


Suicide of fake genius

by IhaveNeverBeenMoreStressedInMyLife



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Guilt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lestrade is a good papa, Not Really Character Death, Other, POV Sally Donovan, Post S2, Reichenbach Fall, Reichenbach Feels, Sad Greg Lestrade, Sad John Watson, this is lowkey bad ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:47:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22632928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IhaveNeverBeenMoreStressedInMyLife/pseuds/IhaveNeverBeenMoreStressedInMyLife
Summary: He jumped of a building. He was falling for a long minute and then boom - he was dead. Alive and ok one moment, his head smashed on the pavement at the other. One step and gravity was all it took for the nation's favourite detective to fall.Sally Donovan contemplates about Sherlock's suicide and her role in it.
Relationships: Sally Donovan & Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes & Greg Lestrade, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Comments: 9
Kudos: 30





	Suicide of fake genius

He is wearing that stupid coat of his and a grey scarf that matches his eyes. His head tilted to the side, looking at the sky like he is searching for something. He looks relaxed and alert at the same time, not letting his guards down even for a moment. And his hair! His stupidly perfect hair! Sally has never been more jealous of anything, as she was of his dark, always perfect, stupidly fluffy curls. John Watson, his inseparable companion walking next to him.  
He looks normal. He looks handsome.  
He looks almost human.

It's just a picture in the newspaper, it doesn't mean anything. You can't understand someone just from a picture.  
Is this what I am trying to do? Do now what I never managed to do while he was alive? Understand him?

Could it be that she had misjudged him so badly?  
The Chief superintendent had seemed to believe that his suicide was meant as a confession.  
"An innocent man wouldn't have killed himself so he must be guilty." he said but Sally, having spent half her adult life working with Scotland Yard and chasing criminals, could think of lots of cases in which people, later proven innocent had done just as Sherlock had.

Since when do I call the freak by his name?

The question still remained: was he really a fake?  
Am I responsible for the death of a kidnapper and murderer or of an eccentric asshole?

He jumped of a building. He was falling for a long minute and then boom - he was dead. Alive and ok one moment, his head smashed on the pavement at the other. One step and gravity was all it took for the nation's favourite detective to fall.  
Alive and ok - well he obviously wasn't ok. He killed himself. You don't kill yourself if you are ok.

I never thought he was capable of feelings. I never thought of him as human.  
The fact that he died and that he killed himself sort of proves me wrong on both aspects right?

She turned the newspaper to hide the headline that kept shouting at her;  
Suicide of fake genius  
Suicide of fake genius  
Suicide of fake genius  
It's your fault

Is it? Is it really my fault?

Of course not Sally. Don't be stupid. You didn't push him over that edge.

No, no I didn't. Not literally at least.  
But how am I supposed to live knowing that my actions resulted in the death of a man?  
How am I supposed to look John Watson in the eye after what happened?  
She had seen John that day. He was a dead man walking. She knew that right now he was too shocked to pay any attention to her but she also knew that the five stages of grief included anger and that his anger towards her would be not just justified but also catastrophic.  
She had stayed away from him and she had advised Phillip to do so too.  
But it wasn't just John who she couldn't stand seeing. 

Greg was a great man. He had always liked her but it was no secret that he had liked Sherlock more. Sherlock was like a son to Greg, it was obvious. She knew that Greg always wanted children. She knew about his wife's attempts at getting pregnant and she also knew about her miscarriages. She knew that it had damaged both of them just like it had damaged their marriage.  
Knowing all of the above, could she really blame him for "adopting" the posh, lanky kid that kept on appearing at crime scenes, calling his detectives stupid and deducing everyone's private life?  
She had always admired Greg. His work ethic was exceptional, he was a great detective inspector and a great friend.  
He cared deeply for Sherlock and she couldn't help but wonder if the sociopath even acknowledged it. 

After all these years of trying to keep him safe, keep him of the drugs he had failed and he didn't just blame himself for it.  
He had made it his duty to save him and not having managed to do so, he was disappointed at himself. For not seeing it coming. For not stopping him.  
For having doubted him even for a moment.  
She couldn't stand watching the constant look of hurt and regret in Greg's usually so happy eyes so she was avoiding him too.  
She was avoiding everyone and she wasn't even grieving. She hated the man.  
But apparently that wasn't enough to stop her from feeling the way she did.

True Holmes fashion. Destroying everyone's day even from beyond the grave.  
Everyone was either grieving or feeling guilty or both and they were all walking on eggshells around each other and it was so so tiring. 

Because obviously, the great Sherlock Holmes had to kill himself in the most dramatic way possible and make sure to traumatize everyone in the process. That's just who he always was:  
Selfish  
A sociopath  
The biggest drama queen in the world

But this wasn't drama and if Sally was honest with herself, it wasn't Sherlock's fault either. It was a tragedy and they were all responsible for having played their part.

**Author's Note:**

> Even the stupidest comments make me really happy but not leaving one is completely understandable too! Do as you please and thanks for reading <3


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